No Crawling Back

By

It’s a new day – and there’s another brutal winter storm coming in. I listen to the weather forecast, look at my husband and say, “How can we have a positive day when the first words we hear are gloomy? I don’t know about you, but I want to crawl back into bed!”

I believe that the thoughts we begin our day with are a predictor of how the day will turn out.  I personally do not do well when I hear words such as deadly, dangerous and one of the coldest days on record.  If someone kindly cautions me to be careful walking on an icy sidewalk, I immediately tense up so badly that there is a good chance I will break my neck the second I walk outside. 

But I understand we need to be informed and prepared in the event a storm comes our way.  I also know there are storms for which we cannot prepare.

This was one of them: A few weeks ago – on a weekend that was reported to be the coldest day of the year – my 9-year-old Shih-Tzu, Princess, slipped on the ice and badly injured a leg. She needed surgery. But because of her liver disease, it was risky to put her under anesthesia. We decided to go ahead with the operation anyway.

I’ve read that fear is an illusion; well, it felt pretty real while waiting for the operation to be over. Finally, the vet called to tell us our precious dog had woken up just fine from anesthesia. She was OK! We were so happy.

But when Princess came home, she was panting and moaning in pain, the way many people and animals do after surgery. I found it hard to stay calm. Thoughts of her having a massive heart attack ran through my head even as my husband reassured me that it is OK, that she will recover.

I whispered in her ear as I hugged her: “Keep fighting. Do not let that bad liver win, and I will help you move forward and we will make that leg stronger. No crawling backwards allowed, little one!”

I could have been talking to myself as well. Suffering from anxiety is the hardest challenge in my life. I made a vow at the beginning of the year to keep a positive and healthy attitude.  My goal was to not let the harsh winds life brings us knock me down.

I’ve taken several steps to deal with my anxiety: changing my diet, working out, doing yoga, practicing mindfulness and finding my faith. I take comfort in calm words, good news and happy faces. But I still have a ways to go.

Anxiety is my storm, but I do not have time to waste allowing it to stop me.  I can crawl into a corner and go back to making excuses or I can stand strong and know this frigid day will pass and the sun will return.

I sit and hear the howling wind and the ice hitting my window, but it is time to turn off the morning news and begin this wonderful day. As I hit publish post I smile and feel confident enough to say “No crawling back allowed! No crawling back!”

And Princess is getting better every day.

Donna Vesel Ryan, a frequent blogger for ThirdAge, is the founder and editor of the blog www.50plusstickingtogether.com. You can read more of her work there.