middle-aged-couple-in-bed
Sexual Health

Making Love with Your Five Senses

One of the tough things about being in my 60s is that so much of what I used to consider my essential parts have broken down or dried up. I can touch my toes, but my knees are terrible. Bending, any bending, is not so easy, which makes the idea of spicing things up with exotic positions seem reckless, even crazy. And my vagina needs a lot of prepping these days.

Long ago, however, I recognized the erotic power of the senses. Even as a perhaps precociously horny adolescent, I appreciated the transcendent effect the smell of leather had on me. I recognized that tingle a ripe raspberry left on more than my tongue. Certain sounds were a trigger. To this day, the first patter of raindrops reminds me of my early experiences of self-pleasuring. I’ve always found the sight of specific body parts, whether on a man or a woman, profoundly evocative; a beautifully shaped bicep, a splendid clavicle, or a perfectly set deep navel are inspirational to me. All the way back to grade school I knew even the slightest tickling of my forearm resulted in an erotic rush.

Ready to give your own five senses a sensual workout? Check this out.

Sight, or vision, is one of our strongest senses. Some people, incorrectly, think vision is more erotically potent to men than women. Not true! The best place to check out hunky guys is, you guessed it, in the movies. Thank heavens for Netflix and Amazon Prime. Check out the physiques of Henry Cavill playing Clark Kent in Man of Steel or Orlando Bloom in Lord of The Rings, or my own erotic fantasy heartthrob, Javier Bardem, even fully clothed in No Country for Old Men. Feast your eyes on any physique that makes you horny.

Experiment with sharing your favorite erotic visuals with your partner. Whether it’s a movie, a magazine, or some pictures on the web, there’s a plethora of erotic material out there. Be bold and sample it.

Sound, or the aural experience, is powerfully erotic. Why do you think people close their eyes when listening to certain music? An operatic aria may get your juices flowing, or the thump of classic rock. When I really want to get in the mood, I go to YouTube and find Chaka Khan’s “I Feel for You,” and follow that up with Bill Wither’s “Use Me Up.” I swear I can’t listen to Tracy Chapman singing “Give Me A Reason” and not swoon a little.

Beyond music in the boudoir, it’s often the sound of things that heats stuff up. Put your ear on your partner’s chest and listen, really listen, to their breathing. Fine tune your ears to register the slightest change in sound. That quickening of breath when you take his private parts in hand is your signal that lovemaking is about to begin.

Taste IS sex for many people. There’s something about putting something fiery or sweet or both in one’s mouth that sort of blows all the fuses. My own favorite sexy food is honey, organic honey, the darker the better. I count buckwheat honey as one of my principle intoxicants. That said, the actual taste of the skin of another human can be as powerful and potent as any other sex act.

Spend some time savoring your partner as though they were edible. Most people are naturally a bit of sweet and salted caramel. Use your tongue to find out.

Smell is said to be the most powerful of the erotic senses. The olfactory experience is in my case, overwhelming. All my important sexual encounters are hopelessly, helplessly, entwined with my sense of smell. What is headier and more mind blowing than the musky aroma of your lover’s body when you’re dancing or between the sheets? Sexy smells aren’t necessarily attached to another human. The smell of gin, an autumnal bonfire, even licorice is associated for me with all things sexual. And I don’t even like gin. Go figure!

Try wearing a certain cologne or perfume when you’re in the mood to have sex. Only wear it when you’re in an erotic frame of mind. After a few times, your partner will catch on.

Touch is something most people crave. One of the hardest parts of living alone, people say, is that they are touch-free. This is why it’s doubly important if you live alone to go to the hairdresser, the massage therapist, even the nail salon. You need hands other than your own touching your head, your shoulders, your back, your feet and your lower limbs.

Fortunate enough to have a partner even if you’re not having a lot of sex? Ask them to brush your hair or give you a foot rub. Return the favor and touch their heads, their backs, their arms and their legs. For many women, the back of the neck is a powerful erotic zone. Your shared touches can’t fail to ignite a spark that may or may not lead you to the bedroom. Either way, it’s electric.

Don’t deny yourself the joy of exploring the erotic potential of your five senses. And compound your pleasure by expanding your definition of sex to activities and experiences beyond intercourse.