first date

The Perilous First Dates: What You Need to Know

The first date is one of the most perilous parts of any relationship. People micro-analyze each other’s behavior and each tries to be on their best behavior. However, the good news is that peoples’ true selves are betrayed in ways they may not be aware of. Pay attention to some of these and you can save yourself a world of heartache.

  1. The person says he is interested in you but then never asks you anything personal. This is a big hint, but can work both ways. At first blush it would seem that the person has no interest in you. That is possible. Another possibility is that the person has discomfort with personal relationships and this type of person is simply uncomfortable with what he considers prying. A second one is that the person does not know how to communicate well in a relationship setting. Ask further questions in order to understand why. For example, you could ask the person why he keeps bringing up X, Y, or Z but never asks anything about you. For instance, the person could always be complaining about someone stating that person lacked a certain quality, and your date, coincidentally, was always in the right. This would show that being right is more important than being present to the fact the person is on a date. This would be demonstrative of someone who is more concerned about his world than the world of you two as a couple. If he is not asking about you, pay close attention to what it is that person ‘is’ talking about, as it will give you great hints about where his head is, and, more importantly, the priority of a relationship as opposed to something else.
  2. The person goes to a networking event with you but then “loses” you. This one seems to be either a situation in which the person wants you to know it was not a “date” or where the person does not want to be associated with you. Additionally, this could be the sign of a narcissistic person who sees the event as an opportunity to meet people he could otherwise not meet. However, you, who are of secondary importance, he can always talk to. Today, many people are using business networking events as a way of meeting people and going for lunch or dinner as a way of getting to know the other person without it feeling like a date, and everything that goes with it.
  3. The person gets angry very quickly over something you do or say. This is not a good sign. If he finds fault with what you do, there are many ways to work it out; things take time. However, if the person has a hair-trigger temper on the first date, remember he is on his best behavior. Do, however, consider the person may be having a bad day or there may be other things at play. Try discussing the situation with the person as calmly as you can and try to understand what you have done to set him off. If that question upsets him, run, don’t walk away.