Caregiving: How to Get Others to Help!

It's tough to ask others to help, or even respond to an offer. It's tougher when there's "family stuff" in the mix. I applaud Jacqueline's identification of less-demanding tasks that can be given to others, but don't think caregivers should have to wait till they ask. We've developed a plan that recruits a friend to act as an advocate to get a caregiver help with all the little (and some big) tasks that can take time away from your most important activity. A friend (or family member) in this position can feel good when they ask: "can you help out here?" and can reduce/eliminate the family stuff. It becomes more of a "We want to get Jacqueline's car serviced, can you pick up the tab?" or "Can you call x restaurant and have them deliver dinner next Tuesday?" which can be responded to a lot less emotionally. It worked in my family while I went through cancer treatment. Our company helps people organize these programs, but the first step is to take the responsibility for asking off the caregiver's plate and give it to someone who would welcome a chance to spend an hour or two a week getting help for their caregiving friend.

Jacqueline, best wishes for a rapid recovery.

Brian Gallick

Hi Jacqueline,

I'm happy to hear your feeling better. We, (most all) think we are different, but no,IMHO anyway, we are pretty much the same, I am going through the exact same thing with my parents. Your absolutly right about, when your parents age, they tend to settle in a habit they know, they get more of a certain way they know, if they were really nice they get more nice, if they were crabby and spoke in a condescinding way, they are more so, like my Dad.

We are learning, for me anyway, I can't read enough books to understand.

Take care,

Jack H. Gilbert

Jacqueline,

So glad to hear you are on the mend from breast cancer. I was not aware of that.

I am still referring folks to your book, Elder Rage. It was a godsend to me four years ago when I was in the midst of caring for my mom here in my home. My heart goes out to all those caregivers out there. My sister, 57, has been diagnosed with frontal lobe disorder-a form of dementia. The saddest thing. So here we go again....so far her husband and family have been the primary but something tells me I may be pressed into service again one day. I pray God will give me the abilities I need to do as good a job for her as I know she would for me if the situation were reversed.

God bless you and your work. I think of you often. Should you find yourself in the Phila. area anytime, please call-you would be welcome to stay with us.

Wow!! OK, forget everything I said--if I had four sisters and I was in your situation, I'd absolutely DEMAND that they belly up to the bar and help take care of their mother! YOU HAVE DONE YOUR PART--10 years!!! Are you kidding me--of course you are bitter!! They all need to take a turn at caregiving to give you a MUCH-NEEDED break, and I am sure you will be happy to show them how. I am sure they will all take care of YOU when the stress of caregiving gives you a chronic disease. HA! AND, if your mother has any assets left when she passes, they shouldn't get a cent. AND, you can tell your thankless sisters I said so! Also, tell your husband he is a gem. Good grief, that is terrible. I have a feeling that you haven't been forceful enough with them about this and they have just let it slide and slide aaaand oh my gosh, ooops, where has ten years gone already! YOU SPEAK UP--LOUDLY--I do not want to hear that you have cancer from ten years of caregiving stress! I know about this--I am battling breast cancer!