Faking Humor

By Darcy Thiel

I have to admit that depression, a worldwide pandemic, a local shutdown, a breakup, parenting, financial stress, broken phones, computers, and kitchen ceilings, and being there for really intense pain (for example, a family that lost TWO children in the last TWO months, etc., etc., etc.), I have found myself worn out. My latest cry in the morning is, “I don’t know how to do this another day.” I really don’t. Ask my therapist. I had two sessions with him this week.

One of my jobs is dealing with some higher-ups in a hospital down south. My contact there told me I could use this. “Elasticity limit.” Perfect, perfect description. Like so many others, this rubber band has stretched further than I ever believed possible. But even a rubber band eventually breaks. And it hurts like a **** when it snaps.

So I’m just going to tell dumb jokes.

I went to the dentist and he told me that I needed a crown. I said, “I know, right???”

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros? (Make sure you say this answer out loud or you won’t get it.) “Elifino!”

Did you get that email I sent you with “canned meat” in the subject line? You didn’t? Thank God. Don’t open it. It’s Spam.

What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells!

I changed that last one to this: What did the left cheek say to the right cheek? Between you and me, something smells! I figured that was a double entendre which I should get extra credit for.

That’s all I got.