The Wedding Planner

By

This is the third blog in a series. To read the first series, click here: Archive: The ThirdAge Romance Saga of Sally Franz.

When you are in your 20s and getting married for the first time it is likely that this is the first large event you have had to plan. It can be overwhelming and something always goes wrong. It levels many a young bride into a fit of sobbing tears. But for me (2 weddings, 15 anniversary bashes, and 45 birthday parties for family later) planning another wedding was ur, um…a piece of cake. And at 63 it also means the to-do list gets shorter. Why? I have learned that the entire event can be enhanced by avoiding the four “Cs”.

Candles. We both love our departed parents, but there “ain’t no way in hell” that I am getting near an open flame on my wedding day to honor them with a jointly lit candle. I am a klutz extraordinaire. Flames like my hair and hands. No thank you to singed eyebrows for the wedding pics. Oh, then there’s the part where the candle doesn’t stay lit…what does that signify?

Communion. While communion is the highest sacrament a follower of Christ can perform, I told my fiancé that it is a private matter and should not be done in public making a spectacle of the entire event. What he knows I mean is that dark liquids and I have a special dance together. The lighter my clothes the more likelihood they will get trashed by a darker substance. I have seen coffee from a cup in someone else’s hands literally jump with glee toward my white pants. For the un-initiated, communion involves drinking red wine, a symbol of forgiveness and joy. Neither forgiveness nor joy is involved with a red wine stain on a white silk wedding dress I had hoped to wear again.

Cutting. There will be no knives, scissors or any other implement of cutting near me on my special day. In some ceremonies ribbons are cut, even cakes are cut. No, no, no. Sally does not work well with cutting implements. My soon-to-be husband asked why I had a stash of trusty old J&J band-aid strips in my utensil drawer. Easy. Since childhood I have not been able to escape the sharp side of a blade. I have great Cutco knives. It is not their fault I get hurt, even if I am sure they are in collusion conspiring at night in the drawer.

Crummy Guests. The great thing about getting married for the third time is that you finally know that you don’t have to invite everyone. “Ixnay” on the cantankerous cousins, nosey neighbors, and busybody business associates. Our list was fun-loving folks who wish us well and who get along with other people. Makes seating charts a breeze.

The rest of the list goes like this:

Invitations. From my computer. Emailed or hand delivered in town.

Rings. Two simple bands. I’ve had my share of huge rocks…meh.

Minister. Easy, we asked the head pastor at our church.

Location. My fiancé’s inn, Lost Mountain Lodge in Sequim.

Food and beverage. Costco

Flowers. From the yard

Music. I-pad downloads

Simply put, the older I get the more simple-minded I am. Simple and happy, it is enough.

To be continued . . .

Sally Franz is a former stand-up comedian, motivational speaker, and radio host. She is a twice-divorced mother of two and a grandmother of three. Sally has a degree in gerontology and several awards for humor writing. She is the author of Scrambled Leggs: A Snarky Tale of Hospital Hooey
and The Baby Boomers Guide to Menopause