Relationships & Love

Give Up "Getting Over the Past"

Is there something in your past causing you pain and preventing you from fully experiencing joy in the present? Perhaps there is an upset with your partner you can’t seem to put behind you. It could be anything from a fight over dinner to a betrayal of trust.

Whatever scenario you happen to be in, it’s crippling you and hindering your ability to either connect with a new prospect or reconnect with your partner.

People might tell you to just “move on,” but you just can’t. So what do you do?

Drs. Gay and Katie Hendricks Ph.D. have helped couples all over the globe with these issues through their Amazon bestselling book “Conscious Loving Ever After: How to Create Thriving Relationships at Midlife and Beyond.” (Click here to order.)

Gay and Katie have a radical answer to the question of how to get over the past: YOU DON’T. You can’t get over it, but you CAN let it go.

Here’s the truth, and if you really take it in, it will come as a relief: You never get over the past. The past has already happened. It’s outside of your control. You can’t go back and fix what happened. Life is filled with a million moments—some we’ll look back on with fondness and some we’ll wish had never happened. This is normal.

What you can control is how you will let the past affect you today. Here, Gay and Katie share their two best strategies for dealing with past hurts:

Step 1: Open Up To Acceptance And Love

You can leave the past in the past by opening your heart to it, accepting it as it is. Try saying to yourself, “Ok, that happened. And this is happening now.” Until you’ve included the past and embraced it, you can’t put your focus on what you want.

Feel remorseful about your past actions? Love yourself for it. Feel pathetic that you wasted so much time on a situation you can’t do anything about? Love yourself for that, too. When you do this, you become present, so you can create the relationships you want now – both with yourself and with others.

 Step 2: Set New, Positive Intentions

When you put attention and actions into what you want to create now—despite what your past is—you can create the relationship future that you really want. Suddenly, the past is no longer a burden for you, but a springboard. What has held you down for so long can now be channeled into something completely new. Your future is created one new choice at a time!

Relationship experts Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks have been married for nearly 34 years, worked together for 30 years and have authored over 30 books, including their bestselling “Conscious Loving” and their new book, “Conscious Loving Ever After.” They have offered seminars worldwide and appeared on more than 500 radio and television shows, including OPRAH, CNN, CNBC, 48 HOURS and others. They operate The Hendricks Institute in Ojai, Calif. For more about their work, visit


you may also like

Recipes We