The Broken Girl

By Donna Ryan

There once was a broken girl who suffered anxiety and was sickened by it every day. Everyone thought she was just a shy child, but it was far more than that. She was terrified of everything from going to school and getting back home and all things in between.

Her parents didn’t know about her anxiety, because at home she felt comfortable, jabbering away and even clowning around when her parents had company. But the anxiety was always waiting for the moment when she went outside.

Still, she managed to make a life for herself. She grew up, got a job and even got married. Only she knew that the anxiety was still with her. She had fallen into the habit of being afraid and had allowed her anxiety to keep her from moving forward.

Thankfully, her husband’s insurance plan made it a requirement to go for a yearly physical. Her anxiety ascended to new heights, but she didn’t have a choice. She walked into the doctor’s office and cried. The doctor hugged her and told her everythinig would be all right. With a clean bill of health and a prescription for a mild anxiety medication, she began the journey of leaving the kitchen and going to restaurants – something that had intimidated her before.

That first step saved her life, and at the time she did not realize the second step was exactly the same as the first. But it was so much easier.

We get comfortable in our circumstances and they become normal.   We wish for things to be different but fear leaving the comfort zone. We fear speaking about our broken pieces, for people will think we are crazy. She learned in many ways everyone in some way is broken and the worst thing is to not speak.

I was that little girl and now as the adult it is time to speak about it for sure!

I will admit every now and then the anxiety tries to sneak back into my life just when I think I am feeling better. I yell at it and try my best to stay focused, and often it works. On rare occasions when I cannot do it on my own I am happy to say there is medication. I have a doctor who told me it was an illness and not my fault. I am so grateful for her compassion. Her advice on how to handle the anxiety makes my attacks happen far less than they did back then.

Lately I’ve been speaking to many broken people who are going through family arguments, financial problems, loneliness and depression–to name a few things.   There are so many ways our spirits can be broken. Every one of us has to endure something. people’s spirits. Every one of us has to endure something but what I want people to try to remember is; it is only a chapter, not the entire story. I’ve proved that to myself.