Seniors and First Date Sex

By Ken Solin

The most sexually bereft men on the planet might just be recently divorced senior guys, because most haven’t been sexual for a long while in failed marriages. Some newbies date hoping to relieve their pent-up sexual needs, but their single-minded focus renders them first date disasters. Senior women know their dating responsibilities don’t include being surrogates for sexually deprived guys.

A man who dates with the belief that senior women should be amenable to first date sex is way out of touch with reality. It’s not that senior women aren’t interested in sex because they are, but their sexuality is connected with being in a committed relationship, which obviously precludes first date sex. A senior guy’s libido isn’t his best asset for becoming sexual. Patience, compassion, kindness, and an emotional vocabulary are.

The 60s Are So Over

60s free love sex no longer holds any allure for most senior women, and men who respect this will discover they’re more appealing. Pressuring a woman for sex on a first date is wildly inappropriate, and that type of dysfunctional behavior is likely to ensure a first date is the last.

Seniors were hormonally driven in the sex, drugs, and rock and roll era, and we “shacked up” with each other without giving living together a whole lot of consideration. Our living arrangements resembled musical chairs as we moved from one live-in relationship to the next. Few of us mourned the loss of what were primarily sexual partners because there were an ample number of free love adherents to fill the gap.

Stellar Character

But senior women have long since moved on. In the interim they raised our children, often as single mothers, developed intimate friendships with other women, had careers, and achieved equal rights. These stellar women rarely complained about the challenges they faced at work or at home, and they overcame their issues collectively and effectively. These women developed strength of character fighting adversity with steadfast resolve, and they prevailed.

No Short Cuts

So the notion senior women with stellar character would be interested in meaningless sex is just wrongheaded. The sexual experiences thousands of senior women readers have shared in their comments make it clear that a sexual relationship for them, like fine wine, won’t happen before its time. A senior woman dates to meet a life partner, and she’s acutely aware that casual sex is not a viable path leading to that goal.

Unconscious Entanglements

Senior women have learned from experience that after the initial, first date sexual charge is gone, two people still don’t know each other. And the odds against two sexual strangers caught up in an unconscious entanglement becoming life partners are daunting at best. Senior women want to increase their chances for a successful relationship by getting to know a man on an emotional basis before becoming sexually intimate, which epitomizes smart dating.

The way to a man’s heart may be through his stomach, but the way to a woman’s heart, is through her heart.

Ken Solin is a Dating Expert for The Huffington Post, AARP, About.com, and Maria Shriver, and has written about boomer sex, dating, and relationships for a decade. Ken wrote The Boomer Guide To Finding True Love Online. It offers real-life boomer dating solutions.  Ken’s website, www.kensolin.com offers articles, videos, and blogs about boomer dating.