Money Matters

3 Ways To Talk With Aging Parents About Finances

One benefit of the increasing life expectancies for Americans is that more people have bonus years for enjoying the company of their aging parents.

But all is not rosy. Those extended years also boost the odds that parents could go broke or suffer from dementia and be unable to make financial decisions for themselves.

That can leave adult children perplexed about when and whether they should step in and find out whatΓÇÖs happening with their parentsΓÇÖ money

Unfortunately, itΓÇÖs not always easy to have those conversations. Some stubborn parents just refuse to talk about their money. No matter what their adult children say to them, they put it off, change the subject or tell their children itΓÇÖs none of their business.

Of course, many adult children arenΓÇÖt in any particular hurry to broach the subject either. They have their own discomfort about it and procrastinate. Then a crisis comes up and no one has any idea what the parents have or where to find important documents.

But itΓÇÖs critical that these conversations take place so that the offspring can gather information about such subjects as the parentΓÇÖs income and expenses, where legal documents are kept, and what kind of medical or long-term-care insurance the parent might have.

The success of these conversations often comes down to how you approach the subject. We offer a few tips:

End the procrastination by picking a date for the talk. Make an appointment with yourself to bring up the subject at a specific time. An opportune time to schedule this is after a birthday, a family event or a holiday where other family members are together who may share in the responsibility for the aging parents in the future.
ΓÇó Show respect. Tell your parents you understand and respect their reluctance to discuss their finances. You can even make the conversation about yourself rather than about them. Say that youΓÇÖre concerned that if something went wrong, you would be completely lost as to how to help them.
ΓÇó Address their fears head-on. Let them know you understand they are worried that if they talk about their finances their independence might be taken away. You might add that you want them to maintain their independence as long as possible and youΓÇÖre willing to help accomplish that, but you canΓÇÖt do it without the correct information.

Getting past an aging parentΓÇÖs fear about talking about finances can be daunting. But a well-planned strategy for approaching the subject will give you your best chance.

Carolyn Rosenblatt and Dr. Mikol Davis are co-authors of The Family Guide to Aging Parents (www.agingparents.com) and Succeed With Senior Clients: A Financial Advisors Guide To Best Practices. Rosenblatt, a registered nurse and elder law attorney, has more than 45 years combined experience in her professions. She has been quoted in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Money magazine and many other publications. Davis, a clinical psychologist and gerontologist, has more than 44 years experience as a mental health provider. In addition to serving his patients, Davis creates online courses and products to assist professionals and the public with understanding aging issues. Rosenblatt and Davis have been married for 34 years.