Talking It Out

By Donna Ryan

It feels like yesterday that my husband Kevin decided at the age of 59 to stop dreaming of photography and started a part-time business.   To keep it a family-type of business, he asked me to be his assistant on photo shoots.

I am not proud to admit this, but I have a take-charge personality. Suddenly being my husband’s ASSISTANT was hard.    I assisted a few shoots but was not liking it at all and was actually becoming angry.  I finally sat myself down and asked myself what was going on.   After a few weeks I found the answer was I need to be nicer to me.

I have gone through a lot of adjusting the last two years. We moved 850 miles from our family and friends, and I was getting used to that change Kevin decided to work from home more often.   It isn’t that I am jealous, for I am  proud of all that he is accomplishing.  But his being at home more was taking me away from the passions I have.  I was feeling guilty, for my feelings for my office is his homeand he has a right to be here.

One thing I love about Kevin is that he is not a selfish person and  lives his life to serve others.    His goal is not to be rich and famous but to develop himself into the best person that he can be while enjoying his passion for photography.  Once he picked up the camera and saw the view from the lens, it opened his eyes to be healthier and he lost 33 pounds!

I am learning to see our real business is our life together. I began to stop screaming my frustrations at Kevin and instead explain my feelings, and in turn listen to his.

I am learning to see that our real business is our life together.

What I learned during our chat was I that I had created the idea that women who work from home need to have the cleanest house, with hot meals planned and the closets neat and tidy.   Because of this, I was stressed . I felt I wasn’t keeping up.  I felt angry when Kevin would proudly shout “Another booking!” I was resentful because I wasn’t happy with me. I was stressed and reacted to the news that I would be working as his assistant by saying, “Another thing for me to do! Are you kidding?” I even threatened to smash his camera.

I told Kevin all this; he quietly listened and explained I did not have to be perfect and that we were a team.  In his busy world he may not always notice what I need but if I calmly explain my frustrations he will help.   I always felt he should just instinctively know when I need help

A saint I am not! I am still a work in progress, and I remind myself of my goals every day.  I am the only one putting my dreams on hold because of feeling I must be perfect.  And that ends up taking time away from fulfilling my dreams.  My ego is what is blocking my dreams, not Kevin accomplishing his.  I slowly am learning to not worry about what anyone thinks, to communicate better, not worry about being in charge, but most important I am working on kicking  the word perfect out of my vocabulary.

We have another photo shoot this afternoon and today my role will once again be assistant.  I smile as my “boss” just walked into the room with a huge good morning, handing me a hot cup of coffee.   It was just at the time I was typing this last paragraph, for he had given me some space to write.

Running a business takes lots of work and effort by everyone on the team (that’s us!).   Now that we talked things out and are respecting each other’s passions, we both are happier.  – and are having much nicer days!