undecided-woman

Hold or Fold?

I’ve been having some serious angst about what to do when I grow up, so I went to see my former spiritual director.

I was here in January of 2018 and now I’m back. She referred in our conversation to the song by Kenny Rogers, “The Gambler.” “You gotta know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away, know when to run.” It made me chuckle because I had just listened to that CD earlier this week after I don’t know how many years. Love his music.

I know that when it comes to my decision making, I don’t have a problem with stick-to-it-ness. I can hold ’em indefinitely. I will try every avenue no matter how long it takes or how frustrating it gets. My error usually lies in knowing when to fold ‘em.

I’ve sought out some wise folks to help but it is still a daunting endeavor. Some say you have to do what you are passionate about. That is the foundation for all else. Others say work is primarily a job, an avenue for making money. Passion is the icing on the cake. I think I’ve decided you need to balance the two.

 

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One of the things I got out of spiritual direction is that my underlying emotions are in conflict. We recently made a pretty large financial decision. While I think it was the “right” couple decision, I discovered I wasn’t as emotionally comfortable as I thought I was. I know it’s hard to believe that a woman who wears her heart on her sleeve so blatantly has any underlying emotions at all, but I do on rare occasions. At any rate, our decision has made my work search a bit more frantic.

So many of my endeavors require networking ad nauseam.

I love variety and I love that I have had so many different experiences in life where I have been able to earn money. At the same time, at moments like this I wish I just had that one simple thing. So many of my endeavors require networking and advertising ad nauseam. How do you evaluate if you are using your time and energy wisely? How long do you keep having conversations that seem so promising but turn out to be fruitless before you just stop having them?

Anyhow, that is where I am at these days. I have an appointment with my friend Darren in just a few moments. I’ve blogged about him several times over the years. He is the last “ear” that I have scheduled with and I am hoping we come up with some helpful plans of actions for how to move forward.

So please keep those prayers coming. I need to know when to walk away and when to run. Or maybe stay put.

Darcy Thiel, MA is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in New York state. To learn more about her work, click here.

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