HAL 9000

Dear Ms. Smith

HAL hates me

I have an ongoing battle with technology. This perks up its ugly head when I attempt contact with the outside world. Exhibit A.

Dear Ms. Smith,

I thought I would get a jump on this contest and enter early. I like to be professional in these matters. Please see the attached forms for the Screenwriters Spring Showcase:

1) My application (apologizes I can’t make the hyper-link jump, so I had to print it, fill it in and take a photo of it).

2) My 14-page comedy screenplay “Life in the Turning Lane.”

Most sincerely,

Sally Franz


PS A quick favor: Would you please send a short reply to this email? In the subject just say RECEIVED so I know that the technology gods are on my side with this and the attachments opened. Thanks. S



Dear Ms. Smith,

Argggg, the computer gods hate me. I checked the copy of my screenplay that I just emailed you and the computer sent you a draft with mark-ups, not my finished FINAL DRAFT.

Do you recall the very first thing HAL the computer did in “2001: A Space Odyssey”? He killed off all the women. I am not one to dabble in conspiracy theories, but my computer hates me and is constantly looking for ways to sabotage me. Just saying.

Final draft is on its way.


Dear Ms. Smith,

Again, most sincere apologies for sending you a working draft instead of the actual Final Draft of my screenplay. For some unknown reason (to me) I hit something that is now displaying every edit I have apparently ever made . . . in my life. So much for self-betterment seminars. I mean if gaffes are going to be held against one forever, what is the point of going on? But I digress.

Here within, I am submitting the Final Draft form (second try) of my screenplay for the Screenwriters Spring Showcase.




Sally Franz



Dear Ms. Smith


Please IGNORE/DELETE my three previous emails as I am not able to reach through my computer screen and throttle them aka wring their necks for insubordination and gross inaccuracies. And not for a lack of trying mind you.

My computer went into open group edit format and took on a life of its own, spilling virtual red ink everywhere. There is more red ink on those 14 pages than the entire Red Sea. At this point of humiliation, I would usually just stop, crawl into a hole and/or move to another country. But with COVID . . . I can’t move and I have way too much free time.

Ergo, this is my last try to give you a clean (no red ink) FINAL SCREENPLAY.

Hope Springs Eternal,


Sally Franz



Dear Ms. Franz,

We only received this one email with your submission.

We will get back to you with the contest results in three weeks.


Ms. Smith

The Screenwriters Spring Showcase

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