Don't Do This to Your Family

By Darcy Thiel

I have been teaching/lecturing/educating for a while now about having your affairs in order, no matter what your age. People that have had to deal with the aftermath of a death that wasnΓÇÖt prepared for will be the first ones to make sure they donΓÇÖt do the same thing to their loved ones. Most of the rest of the population will say they donΓÇÖt want to be a burden after they are gone.

I did have one client, though, who told me he has a cantankerous relationship with his son and he canΓÇÖt wait to stick it to him after heΓÇÖs gone.

Luckily, most people arenΓÇÖt like that.

I have been working on the case of a woman who died recently. No, it wasnΓÇÖt COVID19. I had worked with her previously while she transitioned to a smaller home and then I wanted to start getting her organized. She was very stubborn and, frankly, also a bit nasty. She didnΓÇÖt have any intentions of cooperating.

I just spoke to her attorney. She told me she had several times recommended many of the same things but she had refused to change any of her plans to make it simpler or easier.

Now, I grew fond of her and am truly sad she is gone. But I also have cursed her several times in the last week. There is no reason that taking care of her affairs had to be this difficult. It is exhausting and maddening.

It makes me more passionate than ever about my job. I keep trying to help PREVENT this from happening. I speak loud and long about taking steps before you are old, and before you have a medical emergency. You will get better care every step of the way. You will be able to focus on the crisis when it comes, without having to add panic to the mix.

I try not to be too judgmental, but I just have to say this before it burns out of my skull. I think it is selfish to not be responsible with these things. I havenΓÇÖt come across a good reason yet to not be prepared. It can be very detrimental to your well-being, and it is definitely overwhelming for the people you eventually leave behind.

DO NOT DO THIS TO YOUR FAMILY!

Get prepared. Get informed. DonΓÇÖt be lazy. DonΓÇÖt think you will do this ΓÇ£later.ΓÇ¥

One of the advantages of doing things early in the game is that you can slow down the process so it doesnΓÇÖt drown you. About two years before my dad died, we started working on his notebook. (This notebook is the now the model I use when teaching and doing workshops.)

Every couple of weeks we would tackle one task. We started closing bank accounts until he eventually only had one checking and one savings account. We spoke to a financial advisor and slowly cashed in his investments. There werenΓÇÖt many and they werenΓÇÖt large, but such things can be a nightmare for an executor later on, especially if they go into probate.

I could list many more things. But I canΓÇÖt stress enough, DO IT NOW. Do it for yourself and for GodΓÇÖs sake if you have aging parents, DO IT YESTERDAY.

ItΓÇÖs not very painful unless you wait. If it isnΓÇÖt done, you have a headache every day and fantasize about jumping off a cliff.

Okay, IΓÇÖm stepping off my soapbox. Please, give it some serious thought.